IN It was customary in the village that on Saturday the women bathe, and on Sunday the peasants.
However, a couple of years ago, the attendant Bartholomew became completely decrepit, and they made one bath day. General. The women then thought for a long time, and then quickly agreed. And the men quickly agreed, and then thought for a long time ...

P Rikin, my sister chikin'. She disguised herself as a man and went to serve in the army.
- But she will have to go to the bath with the peasants. Someone will definitely pass!
- Yes, who will hand over something?

V ip sauna presents new service: "Now we can also take a steam bath!"

WITH three people are walking in the bath: the director of the brewery, the journalist and the digger.
And each to the knees ...
The director has a stomach, the journalist has a tongue, the digger has hands...

P A man caught a goldfish and made her a wish to have an orgasm with his wife at the same time. A week later he comes to the fish and says:
- Cancel your wish!
- Why? the fish asks.
- Yes, it’s uncomfortable as it turns out: we sit with friends in the bathhouse, drink beer and suddenly I finish!

AND The women's section of the bathhouse urgently needs window cleaners. Men from 25 to 30 years old with a stable psyche.

IN I don't go to the bath. They are not allowed into the women's room, but the men's room is not interesting.

P Petka and Vasil Ivanovich went to the bathhouse.
They began to undress, then Petka said:
- Vasil Ivanovich, you are even dirtier than I am.
Chapaev says:
- Nu so etit, I'm older than you.

ABOUT public village bath. The men are washing. A healthy hairy kingpin stands out, next to him runs little son sliding across the soapy floor. And now, running past his father once again, he slips, and falling instinctively grabs his father's cock. The boy, pulling himself up on one arm by the penis, looks uncertainly at his father. He lathers his chest, looks down and calmly says:
- Wow, son, I would go to the bathhouse with my mother, I would break my head!

D va peasant came to the bath to take a steam bath. As soon as they enter the steam room, they immediately jump out of there with screams and obscenities due to the unbearable heat. They go to the director and tell him everything. That:
- Well, guys, you understand. We have a new bathhouse attendant, he won’t beat his hand in any way, he used to work in a crematorium.

P A young specialist came to the village to serve his three years of distribution.
They determined him to stay; he asks the hostess:
- Where is your bath?
- What bath, son? We wash in the river
- And in winter?
- Yes, how long is that winter? ..

AND women's bath, steam, steamed bodies... Suddenly a naked man appears!
The women squeal, but the man calms them down:
- Daddy, I'm blind! Soon everyone got used to it, they are already asking to rub their backs.
And suddenly one:
- Blind, you fuck me ... sh!
- Oh! And I don't see it!

P the man went to the bath.
He took a steam bath, so happy, joyful, he leaves the steam room for the dressing room ... and suddenly discovers that he forgot the towel at home. He looks around in confusion and then notices an announcement on the wall:
"Citizens, please do not wipe yourself with curtains!"
With a satisfied smile, he exclaims: - Oh, and this is an idea !!!

X good after the bath, especially the first month...

IN two friends meet:
- Why do you have a flattened nose, did you take up boxing?
- No, I wash the glasses in the women's bath.

- IN little sheep, take apart the sentence "Vanya and Masha went to the bathhouse to bathe"
- So, here it means the main member - Vanya, Masha - the subject, bath - a pronoun, but to wash - a preposition.

P Aren and the girl decided to go to the bathhouse. They come up, and the guard at the entrance says: "Young man! We can't bring our own!"

IN bath, two kids saw a naked man with a big belly.
They ask him:
- Uncle, what's in your stomach?
- Bomb.
One speaks quietly to the other.
- Let's blow it up.
- Dangerous. The wick is very short.

H inscription on the women's bath: Entrance with eggs is prohibited!

ABOUT Father and little son are washing in the bath.
- Dad, - the son shows with his finger, - does mom have such a thing?
- No, son, - the father sighs, - my mother does not have such a thing, she uses mine.

- P hello, dear! I'm in the sauna. Everything is here, as you usually say: no women, only men!

M an intelligent-looking man at the cash desk of the bathhouse:
-Does the bath function?
From the checkout. - What-what?
- Well, does the bath work?
From the box office: -Ah! Works-works!
Does hot water circulate?
From the checkout. - Chevo-chevo?
- Well, is there hot water?
From the checkout. - A! There is water!
- Then give me a ticket for ONE PERSON. From the checkout.
- Look what! Why don't you wash your ass?

IN see. I quit. I'm going to work in the bathhouse as a system administrator.

T Ex, who we don't like, we send to the bathhouse, and those who we like, we invite to the sauna.

IN bath.
Grandma is on the top shelf.
Below is a young girl, washing herself,
gently stroking your body, rubbing it with honey, etc. and admiring yourself.
Grandma to her:
- You are very beautiful, girl ...
- Yes, beautiful (coquettishly so)
- Probably, the guys are running after you, there is no end?
- Yes, they run (even more flirty)
And you don't give it to anyone...
- I don’t give it to anyone (proudly)
- Then soooooo sorry, girl ...

H what is "contrast shower"? - This is when you leave the sauna, and you are met by her husband and your wife!

WITH Auna "Only to wash" suffers losses and regrets the initially incorrectly chosen policy of the company.

M the snake and his wife came to the bathhouse, and the attendant said:
- I won't let you into one room!
Man: How? This is my wife!
Bath attendant: - And so! Out of principle.
What a clean-cut guy was found - for the fourth time today he is going to take a steam bath.

IN the women's section of the bath comes a man, squealing, squeaking - get out into the men's section !!!
- Why am I a homosexual or what?

A nk washes in the bath, and Vasily Ivanovich peeps. Petka keeps walking around and says:
- Let me see, let me see.
- I won't give it, it's still small.
After a minute:
- Listen, Petka, some guy came up to her ... Petka! ... Petka! ... Where are you?

- T where do you work?
- In the bath ... Lifter ...
- What are you doing! Are there baths?
- Nope ... I help women unbutton and fasten their bras ...
- And how much do you get?
- I’m getting good, and even a hundred percent bonus for harmfulness ... There’s this one ... constantly standing ... Oh, God, I forgot ... Well, from three letters ...
- What is it...
- Oh, I remembered - steam!

AND there is a man with a bag from which a broom sticks out, a woman sits on a bench.
- Where are you going, Kuzmich?
- Yes, buy eggs.
- So you got money?
- No, I'm going to the bath.

B Anya is divided into two parts: Finnish sauna and Russian boy.

IN two members meet in a bath. One is vigorous, and the other is all tortured, rumpled. Cheerful asks:
- What happened to you?
- Yes, what a life! In the morning they put it in, in the afternoon they put it in, at night you just fall asleep, they pick it up and put it in again. Tired!
Have you tried not getting up?
- Tried it, almost ate it!

- A hey, is that a bath? - No, this is his brother Balodya!!!

WITH we go yesterday in the bath with the peasants. Beer, vodka, cognac. Hasty conversation. Unintentional wave of the hand... A glass of beer falls to the floor and breaks into small fragments! The owner suddenly says:
- Damn, right now, mine will come and give us all pi * dy! Oh! That is Pi * duley!

P midnight. Tired of a hard day's work, businessmen have fun with girls in the sauna. One of them receives a call from his wife:
- Darling, where are you?
- Can you imagine, stuck in a traffic jam on Leningradka!
- At 12 o'clock at night? Well, let's beep....

M alchik at mom in the bath asks:
- Mom, what do you have? - and points with his finger .. everyone understood where.
Mom was embarrassed and said:
- Yes, this is nonsense, son.
They came home, and the mother says to the father, they say, "Next time you will go with him, otherwise he began to be interested in something ..."
Well, there is nothing to do, his father went with him. The same story:
- Dad, what do you have?
- Oh, this is nonsense, son ...
The child thought and thought, thought and thought, then, apparently, he came up with something, he walks and sings a song:
Like mom's nonsense all in hairs,
And dad has nonsense on wheels ...

I undertake to assert that there has not yet been a single bath procedure that would have done without anecdotes. It is no coincidence that in the list of the fattest headings on my site is listed

Introducing another installment Have a good mood and smiles.

In a Georgian school, during a Russian language lesson, the teacher says:
— Children! Let's analyze the epiphany: "Goga and Givi went to the bathhouse." What are you
say George?
“Givi is the subject, Goga is the proper, banya is a pronoun.
- Sit down "3".
— Pachemu?
— Patoma! Bath is a suggestion.

A bath is not only an excuse to get together and take a steam bath, but also a place where worries and sadness fade into the background. This is also a suggestion for writing. Although in the bathhouses the best jokes about the bathhouse I can discuss serious problems

After the victory of Mikhail Evdokimov, popularly known as an ardent admirer of the Russian bath, in the elections for governors, a new coat of arms was adopted Altai Territory: The center of the shield now has a wooden bathhouse with an oar hanging over it. The coat of arms is framed by grain ears wrapped in a terry bath towel, on which is written: “Men! Well, you, damn it, give!”

Personally, my opinion is that the best bath towel is waffle. Absorbs quickly and a lot, dries quickly, light and the cheapest.

The city executive committee received a written complaint:
- Directly opposite the window of my apartment is a women's bath. I can see everything from the window and this often distracts me from business and generally has a bad effect on my moral character. Therefore, I ask you to provide me new apartment in another area.
The commission came to consider the complaint. They look out the window and say:
“Well, you can’t see anything! What is the problem?
- And you try to climb on the closet!
“Well, he climbed in,” says the chairman of the commission, “you still can’t see anything!”
- And you move a little to the left ...
"I still can't see anything!"
-Move to the left!
- Here the representative of the commission moves and with a roar falls from the closet to the floor.
- You see! - says the complainant, And I've been like this all day !!!

Any good for a bath jokes! The best ones are the ones that hurt the stomach. But it’s better not to strain so much, otherwise it will turn out like the hero of the following joke:

There are once two zakydnyh friend.
- How are you doing Gena, where and with whom do you work?
- I work in the KGB.
- Yes, you go! Are you kidding?
- The true truth, this is the Kiev City Bath.
- And who are you there?
- Chekist.
- And what for there is a Chekist in the bath?
- To open checks at the entrance.

A month later they meet again:
- Well, how are the Chekist, with a joke asks my friend?
- I'm no longer a Chekist, they transferred me to the elevator operators.
- Gena, is the bathhouse one-story?! What the hell are elevators?
And I work in the women's department. I fasten and unbutton my bras.
How much do you get paid for this kind of work?
- 150,000 plus 30,000 bonuses.
- And why do they pay extra 30,000?
- For hard work.

You can share and discuss the best sauna jokes in your comments, thank you.

In the near 90s, they sent me on a business trip to a small provincial town. The hotel is rundown, the shower does not work in general darkness. I decided to take a bath in the public bath. But, as many remember, they undressed in ordinary drawers that did not really close. In short, when I left the steam room, I found that my things were gone! They called the police. What to do and, most importantly, how do I get out? No friends, no acquaintances - in general, a business trip. They collected a new thing for me by all the service personnel of the bathhouse, so that I could even get to the police station, and ask them for help. That's how it happens, but then I was not laughing.

True meter:

From the same opera:


  • In the minds of most people, the bath is associated with warmth, as well as a pleasant pastime. While visiting the bath, people warm up the body and get a lot of positive emotions.

  • One day my friends and I went skiing. We got to our favorite place and started the process of skiing. After grilled kebabs, ate, rested. When we got back, I...

  • This story took place in one of the villages of the Voronezh region. My friend told me it. Somehow a boy returns from the army after military service and meets his old friend...

  • Carpathians. Gathered under New Year go to the bath. Everything was heated, prepared and the light went out. Do not cancel such a long-awaited bath because of this. So in complete darkness everything happened ...

People in Rus' have loved to take a steam bath for a long time. Records of European travelers from the time of Peter the Great have been preserved, who noted that in Russia there is no city or village where there would be no tradition of washing in a bathhouse, whipping yourself with a birch broom, and then pouring yourself with cold water. This custom was actively encouraged by Tsar Peter, who even ordered his subjects to attend balls only after a thorough bathing in the bath, "so as not to disgrace themselves with a vile smell."

It is difficult to say what considerations the movie hero Zhenya Lukashin and his friends actually guided, whose habit was to go to the bathhouse before the New Year. But traditions are traditions, they must be respected. That is why Zhenya's friend, Pavlik, dropped in on his friend on a frosty December morning to take him with him to bath gatherings.

But the strict mother of Zhenya Lukashin, whose son was currently arranging his personal life, did not even let Pavlik step on the threshold. Ignoring the guest’s weighty arguments regarding the inviolability of male traditions, she categorically refused to call her son and resolutely closed the door in front of Pavlik, uttering the phrase that became historic: “Go to the bathhouse!”.

It is possible that it was after this episode that Soviet viewers first learned about the right way to get rid of an annoying interlocutor.

The historical roots of the expression "go to the bath"

However, there is evidence that they began to send people to Rus' much earlier than the 70s of the last century. It was believed that in this place, intended to cleanse the body from labor sweat, and the tired soul from scale, all kinds of evil spirits gathered. The people firmly believed that after the last visitor left, devils, goblin and other similar evil spirits gathered in the bathhouse. The main thing in this motley folklore company was the bannik, who lived here most of the time.

People made up whole legends about bathing evil spirits. It was believed that the bannik spent his time, periodically frightening those who were going to take a steam bath. His most innocent joke is to tap on the wall, scaring a person. He could also scald a gaping visitor to the bathhouse with boiling water and even drop a cobblestone from a red-hot stove on his leg.

Superstitious people attributed to the bannik all the troubles that could lie in wait for a person in the bath.

Some lovers of literature believe that this is where the true historical roots of the wish “go to the bathhouse” lie. This expression has the same meaning as sending to hell. Therefore, when you hear such words addressed to you, you need to think carefully about how you could annoy your interlocutor so much, who sends you to a place where evil spirits frolic in anticipation of a new guest and in anticipation of entertainment.